selfish shellfish

I remember sitting in the back of my grandma’s red saturn as she would blast this children’s song about a selfish little shellfish. Little me not understanding why she was forcing this lesson into my head. Even as I got older, she would always remind me to not be selfish and not get jealous of others, but of course I still did. I would catch myself being jealous of the ice cream flavor my brother got, the praise for my friend on their essay, not making the dance team, getting turned down from colleges, or even seeing the other girl get that guy I thought was perfect. Jealousy wasn’t always on my mind, but it would always find a way to take someone else’s success as a way for me to compare myself as a failure.

This past year, I saw a quote that has helped me relearn what my grandma taught me in the back of her car.

“Until it’s my turn, I will keep clapping for others.”

Pretty basic quote and this time no singalong from grandma or a fun little red animal to go with it, yet, it stuck.

To me, it made me look at life and the things that happen to us as an always changing and never ending puzzle, the pieces are always just out of your control, even when you think you have the picture. How chaotic but fun! Instead of getting jealous, I turn that disappointment into hope. Hope that maybe that wasn’t my piece, maybe it was for someone else’s puzzle. Like I can’t truly mess up, as long as I keep trying. That my turn will be just what I want, even if I don’t know what that is yet.

Nowadays, I find myself being even more grateful for all the mishaps and let downs, because it means, to me, something better is waiting. The life you want and the life you need are different, and yet sometimes the same. So cheer on your friends, celebrate your losses, let go of the ones not meant for you, and don’t compare your life to others. Your puzzle will turn out beautifully imperfect, just like you.